A Night on New Earth
by Aunt Kathy
Summary: What every singly J/C shipper secretly believes happened on New Earth between a certain head-strong Captain and her First officer. J/C all the way. M rated for later content.
1. Chapter 1- Sudden Realisation

Disclaimer: I own nothing. REALLY wish I owned the original idea for Janeway though (sigh...)

WARNING: M rated for later J/C content. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Please Review :)

* * *

They talked far into the night, each becoming more and more convinced that they were made for each other. Hours passed before they became tired, and decided to go to bed. Chakotay walked into his room, and placed his head in his hands in relief of what had happened- she finally knew about his feelings for her. He changed and, after turning onto his side, fell into a peaceful sleep.

Kathryn, however, was finding sleep harder to find. She tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but was unable to relax. After almost an hour of trying, she got up again, and walked across the shelter to Chakotay's room, where he was sleeping peacefully. She watched him, the way his chest rose and fell slowly, and evenly; the untroubled look on his face as he dreamed. It occurred to her that she could have watched him sleep for hours, and she sighed, finally content.

Chakotay jerked awake, the sound she made cutting through his slumber and bringing him back into reality. Kathryn saw him stir, and silently chided herself for waking him.

She turned to leave, hoping that he hadn't seen her.

"Kathryn, wait." She looked back at him; he had sat up, and was looking straight at her with those smoldering dark brown eyes.

Her breath caught as she realized just why she had always been so attracted to those two bark brown eyes.

_They're the exact color of black coffee._

Kathryn hesitated slightly before she walked back, and sat down on the bed by his knees. Chakotay registered the concern on her face, and placed his left hand on her cheek.

"What's wrong?"

"I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about what you said."

"Kathryn, I don't expect anything from you. I can appreciate it if you wait for Mark. I just thought you had a right to know."

"I understand. But Mark won't have waited this long for me. He knows that, if anything were to happen to me I would want him to be happy, and I hope that he would do the same for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I hope that Mark would be able to be happy for me if I found somebody else that I could love." Kathryn looked up at Chakotay, and he saw the sadness in her navy blue eyes.

"Do you still love Mark?"

"No. Not anymore. I think I'm starting to fall for you instead." Kathryn had no idea where the words had come from, but as soon as she had said them, she knew that they were true.

Chakotay looked at her, trying to comprehend what she had just admitted to.

Kathryn blinked, tears welling up as she realized that this was true, she did care for Chakotay, and in a way that was completely different from her feelings about Mark. She began to turn away from him, but Chakotay grabbed her arm, and she looked back at him, the concern for her painfully clear in his dark eyes. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she tried to stifle a sob, but Chakotay still heard it.

"If you ever need anything, Kathryn. And I mean _anything_…" his voice trailed off as he saw the tears fall, and a deep silence filled the space between them. She sobbed again, and Chakotay pulled her against him, wrapping his strong arms around her as her shoulders shook and the emotional burden of the past eighteen months was released.

He kissed the top of her head as she cried against him, holding her tight against his warm chest. Soon her sobs began to quieten, and she relaxed into his embrace, soothed by the slow, deep sound of his breathing.

Kathryn raised her head, her blue-grey eyes, now slightly puffy and swollen from crying, found his dark gaze and she realized something that had been fighting its way to the front of her brain ever since the two of them had been stranded on New Earth.

_I feel safer with him than I have with anyone else I have ever met,_ she thought to herself. _With anyone I shall ever meet._

_I'm not _falling_ for him... I've already _fallen_ for him._

Before she had time to think, she had pressed her lips to his...

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To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2- A Night to Remember

Disclaimer: I own nothing. REALLY wish I owned the original idea for Janeway though (sigh...)

WARNING: M rated for J/C content. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Please Review :)

* * *

The kiss was tender, gentle and full of unspoken words that had been praying on both of their minds for far too long.

Placing both of his strong hands on either side of her face, Chakotay pulled away- there was no way that he would continue with this if he felt that she was not sure, if there was any doubt in her mind. He would not hurt her. She meant too much.

_I love her too much to force her into something that she would regret…_

But, looking into her steel-blue eyes he saw only a reflection of the desire and potent need that he had felt for her from the moment he had looked into those eyes for the first time on Voyager's bridge. They were both breathing unsteadily, the sound of her ragged breaths, the heat radiating off her flushed skin, every part of her being desperately needed him. There was no doubt in either of their minds about that.

He could almost feel the desperation that burned in the depths of her gaze-

The kiss continued, far deeper and impassioned than before, neither of them knowing who had leant into the other's embrace first. Chakotay deepened the kiss, becoming lost in her; the feel of her against him, her left hand on his chest, her right hand in his hair. Both his hands were still on either side of her face, cupping her cheeks as she pulled him in closer. Kathryn parted her lips, and let Chakotay's tongue slip into her mouth, where he stroked it along hers, making her ache and yearn for him. She groaned against his lips and he drew her in, wrapping his arms around her once more, holding her closer to him, each of them feeling the other's heartbeat race as the kiss deepened even further.

Kathryn pulled away and placed both her hands on his strong torso, smoothing his T-shirt over his firm pectorals and solid abs, admiring his body. One hand strayed over his left nipple, and he inhaled sharply as it tightened beneath the palm of her hand. She looked at Chakotay's face again, the desire turning his rich brown eyes darker. On any other occasion, that degree of need in anyone's face for her would have scared her, but she knew that she wanted him as much as he wanted her, if not more. It dawned on her that she might be able to love this man more than she could ever have loved Mark. A few days ago that would have frightened her, but being in the constant company of Chakotay let her forget her past life before Voyager, and focus on a part of her that was not preoccupied with protocols and deadlines. With him all the cared about was being with him. And that was something that she had rarely felt when she was around Mark.

She tugged his shirt over his head, revealing his heavily muscled chest, arms and back. She stroked her hands over him again, flattered by the way his skin tightened into goose bumps. She tilted her head slightly her silk robe slipping to reveal her neck. Chakotay leaned forwards, and kissed her gently on the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine and directly to the core of her being, causing blood to rush between her legs and make her gasp, all thoughts driven from her mind as she was consumed by her love for him.

Pulling her hair out of the way, he left a trail of soft kisses down her neck and across her shoulder, lingering on a particularly sensitive spot just below her left ear, relishing her increasingly guttural moans of anticipation. He drew her in closer, sitting her on his thighs so he could continue to kiss downwards, over her collarbone and towards her breasts. Kathryn moaned deeply as he dragged her right nipple, along with the fabric that covered it, into his mouth. She gasped as he sucked on her, gently to begin with, but slowly tugging harder, drawing more of her into his mouth. He let go of her breast, the sudden absence of his warm mouth a cold contrast to the cool evening air against the wet fabric of her nightgown. She shivered against him, pulling him into another tight embrace, this time the soft silk of her dress over her taut nipples causing a friction which made him to throb with desire for her.

Chakotay wrapped his left arm around Kathryn's waist while his right hand stroked its way up her calf and to her thigh. All of a sudden she was gone, having twisted from his embrace and stood up. She drew the bedcovers to one side, revealing his boxers. The cool air reached his thighs, which were soon warmed as Kathryn sat across them and leant into him again. He placed his left hand on her thigh, pushing the fabric of her nightgown higher, his left arm on the back of her head as he kissed her again, this time harder as his passion for her grew.

His hand reached the edge of her panties, and he slipped his fingers below the thin fabric, gripping her right hip and pulling her hot centre against his abdomen. She arched against him slightly, making him hard beneath his boxers and causing him to grip more tightly. Kathryn pulled out of the kiss, her expression difficult to read, and Chakotay removed his hand from her hip, scared that he had hurt her. He was about to apologise when she pressed her mouth to his, causing all words he might have spoken to her in that moment to be lost as the ache between her thighs intensified, her need for him more acute than before.

Chakotay pulled her in closer, this time with a hand on either hip, and he dragged her in even more, so she sat on his thighs, straddling him. He hardened even more as her soft, damp folds pressed against his abdomen through, and Kathryn groaned again as she felt his erection jut against her thigh. She rubbed against him, making him forget all intentions of a slow pace as she reached down and stroked her hand along his length. Chakotay pulled her in so they were as close as they could get, and she stroked him again, making him grip her nightgown in an attempt to remain in control of his overpowering emotions towards her.

Kathryn pushed away from Chakotay, and dragged his boxers off in one fluid movement, the sight of his huge erection making the ache between her legs almost unbearable. She needed him- _now_.

She sat on him again, one thigh on either side of his hips as she pulled herself against him again. He groaned as the warm, wet fabric of her panties touched the head of his member, and he gripped the sides of her thighs. His right hand strayed upwards towards the hem on her panties, and his impatience got the better of him as he simply ripped them off. Kathryn placed her arms around him, and moaning loudly as his erection brushed against her bare lips. She released her hold on his back, and dragged her nightgown up over her shoulders, giving him a full view of her.

Chakotay took a moment to admire her beauty- her pale skin, graced by half-faded freckles, tight rose colored nipples that rose with her labored breathing, her taught stomach and slender hips. Her slight, petite frame seemed so much more...

_Delicate. Not vulnerable, but delicate._

His hungry gaze took in her every curve, every small detail of her that was so very… _Kathryn._

"Beautiful," he muttered, his lips brushing momentarily against the softness of her pale skin just below her collarbone. The smile that he saw on her elegant features caused his breath to catch. The smile was small, but the warmth that it created in her eyes dissolved any pain of conflict that had been there previously. That smile may have been small, but it was the smile that broke his heart.

This was the woman who held a confident and commanding presence on Voyager's Bridge.

This was the woman who blushed when he paid her a compliment.

The woman whose laugh made his breath catch and his heart stutter.

The woman who had driven him, so effortlessly, to distraction.

She arched against him and he placed a hand on her back, bringing her right nipple into his mouth again. He was amazed at how responsive she was, and scraped his teeth over the tight skin and sucking hard as Kathryn bucked against him. She moaned as he sucked once more, her lips growing wetter and wetter. She arched against him, bringing his length against her hot opening, and he placed both hands across her back, released her breast and rolled, so he lay on top of her, his face just above hers. With one hand he pulled he covers over their legs, the other in her hair as he kissed her, now more fierce in his displays of unrestrained affection.

He pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes, the passion in both of their expressions growing as he nudged once between her legs. Chakotay waited, looking into Kathryn's eyes to make sure that there was no doubt in her mind of this. But he saw none. He only saw a deep need that desperately had to be fulfilled.

She could feel him, the swollen head of his member poised at the opening between her lips, the pulse of his need, the heat of his passion. He pushed forwards slightly, into her wet opening, and she groaned as even that one little movement brought her close to release. Chakotay lessened the pressure again before adjusting himself so he lay on top of her, his arms by her head, his hip just above hers, his chest against hers as they breathed heavily in anticipation, his face inches from hers.

He eased himself into her as his eyes locked onto hers, wanting to remember every emotion that showed on her face. It took all of his self-restraint to keep his head as he was so utterly consumed by the sensation of being inside her. She inhaled sharply as he pushed into her; filling her so tenderly that she thought she might cry again. Chakotay paused, giving her time to adjust, searching her face for any signs of pain. But he needn't have been concerned, as the next word to fall from her lips made him lose all contact with anything but her.

"_Harder._" It was not a command, but a desperate and whispered plea, which made Chakotay's blood boil for her.

Suddenly, and without any hint of warning, Chakotay thrust into her, stretching her with the size and breadth of his erection. Kathryn cried out as more blood rushed between her legs. He drew out of her slowly, making her gasp and tense around him as her pleasure heightened.

He pushed into her again, and she screamed, already so close to orgasm after her lack of sex for almost two years. He lifted his hips up as he pulled out from between Kathryn's legs, too close to release. He wanted to, _needed_ to, savour this moment. Chakotay thrust into her once more, so hard that she screamed his name as she came after so little stimulation.

The sound of his name, and the way she tightened around his member caused Chakotay to burst inside her, spilling himself into her as he too came.

Chakotay gently pressed his lips to hers, and Kathryn wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her as he pushed between her legs again, making her moan into him. He moved on top of her more slowly this time, the initial urgency relieved with their first orgasm.

He pushed into her again, so hard that she pulled out of the kiss and clenched her teeth to stop herself from screaming as she came a second time, and so shortly after the first orgasm.

She couldn't ever have imagined anything as wonderful as this. Although Kathryn was not a virgin, she had never been very experienced, her busy work life since turning her attentions to following in her father's footsteps more fully and pursuing a command of her own preventing most chances for lovers. Mark had understood this, but their relationship had been one born out of a childhood friendship, and they had been growing apart in the months before her deployment.

She pulled herself back to the present, feeling Chakotay's erection continuing to move in and out of her, the mere thought of it sending shivers down her spine and blood between her legs. Chakotay lifted off her slightly, holding her hips as he thrust into her, his pace slightly quicker, although he was still not as rushed as the first time. At this rate Kathryn would come again long before him.

He pushed into her harder now, delving in further than he had before, the constant friction between his thick shaft and her hot opening bringing her closer to orgasm than he realised. The ache between her legs built even more.

"_More_!" she gasped.

He placed his left hand on the small of her back, to keep her off the covers, and brought his right hand up to his mouth. Chakotay licked his fingers, and placed the two fingers in between her wet lips, one on either side of her clit. He moved them slightly, and Kathryn bit her lip as her self-control faltered. He moved them again, matching the rhythm with which he pushed into her, and she arched against him, screaming his name again as she came for the third time, shuddering and trembling under him, her orgasm far more violent than her first two had been.

_That's it, scream for me Kathryn_, he groaned through clenched teeth as he pushed into her more vigorously still, and she screamed again, the tears in her eyes rolling down the sides of her face and into her hair. But he still didn't stop. Instead, he moved faster, pumping into her hard with his hips, and moved his fingers closer and closer to her aching clit.

He pinched her sore nub with his fingers, making Kathryn clench and scream at the top of her voice for him to do it again. Chakotay obliged, as he was close to orgasm himself, perspiration beading on his forehead, covering the tattoo of his tribe. She screamed again, her hips bucking against him as she came hard and arched against his torso. He lifted her with his free arm, and pumped into her from below as she groaned into his shoulder, close to exhaustion from the amount of pleasure he was causing her. She drew him in closer, her hands on his back as he pushed into her, his pace furious as he tried to make her come again. he pinched her clitoris a third time, and she came once more, tightening around his shaft as he came too, spurting into her violently as he his whole body shook against her; the pain and pleasure of her seventh orgasm making her bite his shoulder to prevent her from screaming again as white-hot desire cursed through her veins. She bucked below him, throwing her head back as she cried out in pleasure, making him come into her again.

Kathryn lowered her head and Chakotay brought his lips to hers, the kiss gentle and loving as he removed his hand from her clit, the slight brush against her hidden nub making her instinctively tighten around his erection, and he erupted into her once more, rocking against her as he came and then collapsed onto her, exhausted after such intense love-making. The two of them lay there, her arms around him, their bodies still interlocked as they recovered from the passionate experience.

"I love you, Kathryn," he whispered into her hair as he eased off her and pulled her naked, still-trembling form against him. "Always."

Moments later he was asleep.

"I love you too, Chakotay," she breathed into the silence, closing her eyes as she melted into the embrace if the man whom she loved with every part of her soul.

But he did not hear her...

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To be continued...


	3. Chapter 3- Good Morning

Disclaimer: I own nothing. REALLY wish I owned the original idea for Janeway though (sigh...)

WARNING: M rated for J/C content. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Author's Note: I realize that this is another short chapter, but I promise that I'm NOT done with these two, yet... ;)

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Bliss.

That was what Kathryn Janeway was experiencing in that moment. Utter, undeniable, perfect bliss.

_I've never felt so… at peace. So complete. _She smiled slightly._ I've dreamed about making love with Chakotay, but I never imagined it being so… overwhelming. Overpowering. All-consuming._

Suddenly, fear bubbled up from inside as she considered the fact that the events of the previous night had been no more than another fantasy. Whenever she had experienced dreams like this in the past, she had woken up only to find herself alone in the bed, entangled in her sheets. However, as her senses returned to her, she was well aware that every single one of the events _had_ happened.

Kathryn smiled again as a light pressure brought her out of her deep, satisfied slumber, making her rise into consciousness and out of sleep like coming to the surface after a deep-sea dive. The pressure in question was one that she was unfamiliar with, but one that felt unbelievably natural. She could feel it at her back and wrapped around her legs, providing comforting warmth as she slowly stirred. It was draped over her ribs and waist, proving that last night was not just another dream.

She looked at Chakotay's left hand which rested just below her sternum, his thumb brushing the underside of her breast, rising and falling with every breath she took.

Kathryn turned in her lover's embrace, and regarded him for a moment, how relaxed he looked, how untroubled as he breathed evenly. She reached out and delicately traced the lines of his tattoo, memorizing it. Her hand moved down his jaw, over his chin and to his full lips, where she placed a kiss.

She was about to pull away when he slowly responded, pulling her to him and deepening the kiss by pressing his lips against hers.

"Good morning," Chakotay grinned as he pulled away and she struggled to breathe evenly.

"Good morning," she whispered back, realizing just how long she had wanted to wake up to see him lying next to her.

Kathryn curled against him, resting her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest as she listened to his strong heartbeat, smiling as she remembered whom that heart belonged to.

And so they lay there in loving peace, each completely content in the arms of the other.

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Please review of you want to know what happens next...


	4. Chapter 4- Plans for the Future

Disclaimer: I own nothing. REALLY wish I owned the original idea for Janeway though (sigh...)

WARNING: M rated for J/C content. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Thank you: goes to my beta, who has the skills I lack to make this reader-worthy. I'd be lost without her. :)

Please Review :)

* * *

Over the coming weeks, the two of them settled into a reasonably comfortable routine, working together around the shelter, each of them completely at ease in the company of the other.

Kathryn smiled as she began to plant the Talaxian tomato seedlings that had sprouted two weeks ago. Small, young and pliant. New life. A new beginning.

_With a new future, _she heard a little voice at the back of her mind say. She had already given thought to the future, the future that she would enjoy with the man she loved. Neither Justin nor Mark had ever made her feel so peaceful. Simply happy. There was really no other way of describing it.

She slowly envisioned what their life together would be like on New Earth. In the past, she had wanted children. Two boys and a girl. Part of her knew that she would never be able to raise her children in their situation- what would happen if one of them were injured? If the virus mutated and they were unable to take care of the children? When they eventually died, what would become of anyone who was left behind?

She shook her head. Their relationship was still young and she knew that starting to plan so far into the future was ridiculous. But part of her, the logical, scientific part, wanted to consider all the possible outcomes of their life together on New Earth. However, for now, she pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the present. There would be plenty of time in the future to confront any challenges that came up. Until then, she was more than happy to just be with him.

She smiled and refocused her attention on her sprouting tomatoes, spreading soil over their tender roots.

On this planet, he was the only thing that truly mattered to her.

* * *

Chakotay came out of the shelter and saw that she was in exactly the same spot he had left her in over an hour beforehand. He grinned as she concentrated on her tomatoes, smoothing the soil around the base of their roots to anchor them in the ground.

Patches of golden sunlight filtered through the emerald leaves above and brought out the highlights in her auburn hair. He watched as it moved slightly; the light that shone down on her brought out every shade of brown and red that could be imagined, interspersed with golden highlights. Her richly colored tresses could be mistaken as ordinary by anyone else, but upon closer inspection, were truly far, far more.

_Just like her_, he muttered internally. _My beautiful Kathryn._

He closed the door and began walking towards her.

"How are they coming?" he asked.

"Very nicely," she replied, leaning back and supporting herself on her left elbow as Chakotay crouched down next to her. She brushed the earth off her hands before continuing. "We should have vine-ripened Talaxian tomatoes in a couple of months."

"Unless this planet has the equivalent of tomato bugs." Kathryn reached for the cup of coffee that had been at her side. "Oh, they're _awful!_"

She brought the cup to her lips and drank deeply while Chakotay looked at the seedlings and smiled. "I would have never thought of you as a gardener."

"Hmm," she mumbled, shaking her head slightly as she swallowed her mouthful of warm coffee. "I grew up around farmers. My parents insisted we learn some basic gardening skills."

"Did you hate that as much as camping?"

"Of course!" Kathryn grinned, thinking back to how she used to complain at her parents' traditionalist values. "Who wanted to muck around in the dirt when you could be studying quantum mechanics?"

Chakotay chuckled.

"But…" her voice trailed off as she looked at the young plants in front of her. "I find it very satisfying now, watching the seeds sprout and grow."

There was a pause as she was caught up in thought.

"If your tomatoes could spare you for a minute," Chakotay said, bringing her back to the present, "I could use your opinion on something in the house."

"Well, you've come to the right person," she said as they stood up and brushed the remaining dirt off their hands. "I always have an opinion."

"Really?" mocked Chakotay. They both grinned, and Kathryn nudged him playfully as they headed back towards the house.

Once inside, Chakotay touched the panel on the computer monitor inside the shelter and activated the screen. Kathryn reached for a cloth that was lying on the table and used it to wipe away the remnants of her morning's efforts.

"What do you think?"

She looked at the image that flickered into view and a smile spread across her face. "A boat."

"You said you wanted to explore the river. I think I could build this." He turned to the woman beside him to gauge her reaction, and felt a warm sensation spread from his chest outwards. She was pleased.

"We could go on a camping trip," she suggested, her voice filled with awe. Chakotay chuckled at the idea.

"I'm not sure we could fit the bathtub in the boat," he teased.

"Well, that's all right, I'll have the river!" she exclaimed, laughter rising in her throat.

They were torn from their amusement by a faint crackling sound originating from the other side of the small room. She sniffed.

"Do you hear that?" Kathryn asked, hoping to break the mood, and immediately wished she hadn't.

"Yes," replied Chakotay, not seeing the face of the woman next to him fall as the happy bliss she had been experiencing for the past three weeks evaporated in the blink of an eye.

Chakotay walked around the table and headed towards the wall-mounted cabinet where they had both left their combadges. The two small devices had lain there for weeks, completely forgotten by both of them until this moment.

Kathryn froze, ice-cold fear trickling down her spine.

_Oh, god. Please no. Please don't let that be-_

"-to Captain Janeway. Do you read me?"

_Tuvok_.

Distorted from the poor quality of the communications link, yes, but it was unmistakably Tuvok.

In that brief moment, Kathryn Janeway's entire world shifted for the second time in as many weeks. It was that one short, quiet message that made Kathryn's heart sink into her shoes.

Chakotay walked back, both of the small badges in his hands. As he placed them down on the table, Tuvok's voice filled the small room again.

"This is Tuvok, calling Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Please respond."

Kathryn pulled a chair out and lowered herself into it as she felt her knees begin to buckle, threatening to give out from underneath her. Her mind was blank as she slipped back into command mode, her hand shaking slightly as she reached for one of the combadges and activated it, hoping that her voice wouldn't betray her feelings as badly as her hands.

"This is Janeway." She stopped herself, knowing that if she said any more, her voice would surely break and give away the turmoil within her.

Chakotay tried to read her face, but it was once again hidden behind the command mask she had finally dropped around him.

"Captain," Kathryn tried to remain composed as she was addressed once more by the title she thought she had left behind her, "it is good to hear your voice. We have news."

"What is it?" she asked apprehensively, fighting to keep her voice steady.

"We have medicine which we believe will effectively treat your condition. We plan to be in orbit within thirty hours."

Kathryn looked up at the man next to her, pain evident in her eyes. He smiled sadly back at her.

She opened her mouth, trying to reply in some manner to Tuvok's words, but found herself mute. Chakotay noticed her composure quickly slipping, and decided to intervene.

"Thank you, Tuvok. Chakotay out." The comlink was severed and once again, Kathryn and Chakotay found themselves alone in the shelter.

The silence stretched between them. Kathryn couldn't believe it. She could feel the world she had become accustomed to for the past few weeks beginning to slip away from her. She continued to look at Chakotay, knowing that anything she could say at this point would hurt them both.

Chakotay simply looked back. The last time he had seen than look was in the wake of the storm that had swept through their lives violently three weeks previously. That storm had severed the last shred of hope she had of getting home; it had destroyed her research into looking for a cure. He knew that she needed space. But he also knew that he would have to make sure that she didn't isolate herself from him.

She opened her mouth, as if she were about to speak and he waited, not daring to predict what she might say next.

* * *

To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. REALLY wish I owned the original idea for Janeway though (sigh...)

WARNING: M rated for J/C content. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Thank you: goes to my beta, who has the skills I lack to make this reader-worthy. I'd be lost without her. :)

All comments welcome :)

* * *

She couldn't speak. Her entire world was crumbling- everything she had come to rely on since being stranded on New Earth was coming tumbling down in front of her, and she was powerless to stop it.

Only minutes ago, the two of them had been talking about their future on New Earth. Admittedly it had only been the near future, the camping trip. A trip that now would never happen. The boat would never be built. The two of them…

_If I have to choose, between Chakotay and the crew… then…_

Kathryn closed her eyes. She couldn't bear to think about what this meant for them.

He laid a hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off, twisting away from him and standing up, shaking her head slightly as she ran out of the shelter.

Chakotay followed her, but he didn't have to go very far.

She had stopped at her tomato plants, looking down at them as if they could offer some kind of answer for the turmoil she was trying to come to terms with.

Chakotay approached her from behind, slowly. He stretched out a hand, almost touching her shoulder, but pulled back.

_She would simply turn away again_. He knew that, right now, she was feeling vulnerable and scared. But he wasn't about to let her go, he wouldn't let her slip through his fingers. He couldn't- he had only just found her, found his place in the world. He had only found peace through her. He couldn't let her go, let his love go- she meant too much to him.

"Kathryn."

"I…"

Her eyes fell on the coffee cup next to them. It was still where she had left it, in the soil by the newly planted tomato sprouts. The steam that was rising off it earlier had long since evaporated, but it showed no other signs of change. She bent down to pick it up.

"It's still warm," she whispered, turning back towards him. Kathryn swallowed, noting that its aftertaste still lingered at the back of her throat. So much had changed since she had drank it. She was in shock. _How? How can something as simple as coffee still be warm when everything has changed, again? When my world has ended? Why do things not stop?_

"Kathryn." His tone was calm, measured- everything she needed him to be, that she needed to be herself in this moment, and everything that she couldn't bring herself to be. Not right now. She felt the pain in her chest tighten as he said her name, so carefully, so reverently-

"Chakotay…" Her eyes welled up with tears as she choked on the words she couldn't bring herself to say. He stepped forwards and caught her in his arms, the cup falling from her hands and spilling its lukewarm contents onto the ground at their feet.

His arms wrapped around her as sobs racked her body, hot tears spilling down her cheeks and onto his shoulder. She returned his embrace, desperately trying not to let herself acknowledge that this might be the last time she would ever be in his arms. The last time she would feel his heart beating against her own, the steady sound of his breathing-

"I'm so sorry." He whispered into her ear as she continued to cry. She cried for the loss of her possible future on New Earth. She cried for the news of _Voyager's_ return. She cried at the knowledge that she might again see her mother's farm in Indiana.

But, most of all, she cried for the loss of happiness.

She cried for the loss of her possible future with Chakotay.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, wanting to offer some type of comfort to her._ I can't imagine the turmoil she must be going through._

He sighed as he came to a conclusion._ I might not want to let her go, but this has to be her choice. I have to let her take the lead here. Just as he had done over the past three weeks._

_If this wasn't done on her terms, it would be even more painful for both of them. She has to be ready for that type of commitment again._ _Whether or not that happens while we're on _Voyager_, I don't know, I can't. If it does, I will be there for her. If it doesn't... _he swallowed and pressed his face to her crown, inhaling her scent which was so… _uniquely Kathryn. If it doesn't happen then… then I will wait for her. I will stand by her in whatever capacity I can. I will do everything I can to make this easier for her._

_To make her burdens lighter._

_Chakotay, Chakotay… I love you… I love you so much… and now I will never be able to tell you again…_

Their eyes met as they both came to the same conclusion simultaneously.

_We'll never be able to be together._

_Not on Voyager, not with parameters and protocol in place once more..._

_But that doesn't change the fact that I love you..._

* * *

To be continued...

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